Monday, 23 February 2015


 It's been a while since I last wrote, and I have a few things to update you on. Last time I mentioned I had the choice whether I wanted to start dialysis, well now my blood levels are now at the point where I have no choice and it was Refiks decision for me to now start. This is my second week on it now and its already dragging. I hate it. My fistula is all bruised up and hurts, sitting there for 3 and a half hours drags. The drive to and from drags, its just horrible. I know I have to do it as its keeping me alive but I just want my transplant date to hurry up now. I have no idea how people on it for years have the patience. 

I'm also anemic now, so I have to have iron put through while I'm dialysing.
I am really fed up with things lately, I still try to keep positive but sometimes it just gets me down. I suffer with anxiety and depression anyway but some days are worse than others. I just wanna feel 'normal' again whatever normal is! Be able to go out and have fun again instead of being cooped up with no energy. After everything with having CF, my double lung transplant, PTLD, having a form of bowel cancer, a perforated bowel and having an ileostomy for 4 months, pneumonia and metheamoglobinanemia, a serious bout of depression and anxiety and now kidney failure I feel lucky to still be here but I do feel I deserve a break! 
Valentines was lovely, I stayed at Harrys that weekend, I had dialysis on valentines day, but went to Harrys in the evening, we agreed not to buy anything this year, but Harry being Harry, he spent a fortune on me yet again bless him, he is so good to me. He turned up at mine to pick me up with chocolates and beautiful roses, and then when we got to his he surprised me with even more presents, one being a pure diamond necklace! Which is absolutely beautiful. Two little teddy bears to add to my collection, a photo frame and a yankee candle shade :) then on the sunday we went to see 50 shades of grey, and had dinner in Frankie and Bennys, had my fave strawberry dacquri! I honestly don't know what I'd do without him, he looks after me so well.

Last monday, Harry and Mum took me up a&e for 5 hours as I was having chest pains, I had an ECG, Xray, and bloods and nothing was found, just to keep dosed up on paracetemol.
I'm still getting really tired and still have no energy, but my appetite has picked up which is good, I just hope after a couple more weeks of dyalsis I have more energy.

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